Someone told me once that you can jump through hoops in your mind. If you lay real still. Supposed to be other dimensions or something. Like, if you wanna see from above and find patterns you otherwise wouldn’t see.
What kinda patterns, I asked.
Well, you know, the numerical signs don’t tell themselves right away, you have to seduce them first.
I kept thinkin’ about that. Seduce them. Somewhere along the way I lost the love-affair with numbers. Same as the auras. Guess it was other people gettin’ in the way. You have too many depressing conversations with people who have depressing problems and all a’ sudden you’re walkin’ around in a haze of energies you didn’t ask for.
I know what you’re gonna say, you’re gonna say I’m crazy. Like I buy into quack medicine or some sorta planetary substance healin’. I just made that up, but I bet it exists. No, I ain’t into that. I’m just sayin’ I’m not crazy. But I believe in dreams and I believe that somethin’ used to happen to me until it didn’t.
Like, you know a moment when something seems to lift, like you’re stanidn’ in the middle of somewhere crowded and everything goes quiet. Kinda slows down? And all of a sudden it’s like you’re back somewhere even though you didn’t know you left. Like some power got into you and colors seem more real, brighter? Somethin’ clicks and you stand real still until something happens.
Maybe your phone rings or your lover says, hey, what’s wrong? What are you doing? What are you thinking? And SNAP you’re outta there. You’re back in the haze.
Don’t ever tell anybody what you’re thinkin’ by the way, cause they won’t get it. In fact, they will stare at you with a blank face, mouth open and say, Huh, that’s interesting. You know, INTERESTING. Then move on to some mundane topic like what do you wanna do next weekend?
What I’m sayin’ is, I believe in the switch. In the brain bein’ lifted to something else all together. And I’ve lost that.
Anyway, so someone was tellin’ me about how you can jump through hoops in your mind. And I tried. And then someone kept goin’ on and on about how they loved someone who didn’t love ‘em back. This is what I mean about people gettin’ in your space. Cloudin’ things up.
When I was a kid I used to talk to myself. I’d steal my mom’s liquor and open the window of my room and stare at the reflection. Sure enough that girl on the other side is waitin’ for me to talk to her again. Hoops. You can jump through.
Somehow I lost it. And numerical seduction is just the beginning. I know what you’re thinkin’. Go ahead and think it. You’re dull and I wanna get rid of my body. That’s what I mean. How many times have you avoided that Other self? I’d talk to her and drink my mom’s liquor and laugh until I fell asleep. Then I’d dream and jump through hoops. And I’d keep a notebook beside my bed incase I saw numbers written on the walls and I’d record them before they disappeared.
But today, my friend kept talkin’ about how someone she loved didn’t love her back. And I felt a pain somewhere because once, I thought someone had reached the numerical capacity to seduce whatever words he wanted from my mouth. I wanted to tell my friend, It’s useless. Most the time, people don’t know the first thing about jumpin’ through hoops. Some people die like that, ya know?