I felt like writing a typical blog. But knowing me, I’ll probably start rambling off into some poetic corner and plant daisies.
Today was intense. Intensely wonderful, even among the pressure. I was driving to work this morning and something pulled me aside and said, “hey, breathe again. Look at the tulips in that yard, the ones you passed last spring. Renewal. Circles.” So I breathed. Thought about the moment. Something takes hold of me like that, in a good way, and I want to hold your hand. Seeing as the passenger seat was empty, I imagine You.
And the day dragged on. Though, I did get to run errands around campus for my boss. And thankfully, I was outside and there were many more flowers to see along the way. Happy ones. Planted are we, in what sustains us. Faith in roots and laughter from rolly-polly bugs. –or so I imagined them saying.
I was also very fortunate to break up my pressured thoughts thanks to J, who always has interesting things for me to read. See Hard Problem
But still, despite the flowers and articles on consciousness, I was still feeling overwhelmed. Daily tasks. Philosophy papers. Thesis.
But then a series of events happened:
I made a kid laugh.
Conversed with new friends.
Had a margarita, when really, my old self would have said “it’s 4 in the afternoon. Don’t drink” Live a little! Drink a margarita! In walks new Shannon, with gorgeous hair, I might add.
Drew a calculation in the sand of what I imagined a math problem might look like if the numbers 7, 11, and 23 fell in love with each other
Killed Wittgenstein’s ghost, or rather, had tea with him and nicely explained that I had no more time for him.
Stroked my light bulb
Read Eckhart aloud in the bathtub, imagining myself in a top hat and then among a field of sheep, preaching the Good News.
Then I felt a light flicker on, outside the window.
What is that? I thought.
Oh, you know, just the futureself, checking in.
Hey, can I ask you a question, futureself?
Sure. Why not. I don’t think the rule book says otherwise. Shoot.
I thought for a second. What should I ask my futureself? I couldn’t think of anything. I was drawing a blank!
Then a light went out. My stomach started tingling, then my whole body.
I see. I see. It’s all here. Right now.
So I texted a friend and said “hey, your futureself is you!”
Jesus, I thought, nice of you to show up.
Are you talking to me? He said.
Yeah. I was waiting ages for you.
See that door, he said.
Well, knock on it. You know the drill.
Wow. I mean, here I am, in bed, listening to James McMurtry, drinking a beer, and talking to myself, or You, whichever.
I know. Life. It has its moments. I mean, did you see those tulips today? Sexy as hell.
Hey, thanks for everything.
No problem. You got lots more good stuff coming your way. I mean, shitty stuff, too. But, look at today. It started off kind of stressful, but here you are, in a state of bliss. So really, don’t worry about the stress. It passes. Tell it to crawl under a rock. Stress-bugs love it under there.
Yeah, I try not to pay attention to anything but the moment.
is this your New System of Doing you’re talking about?
Yeah. Hey, where does consciousness come from?
Cool. I’ll try and sort that out, between the Mind/Body issue.
It’s like Sex. Or tulips. Think about it.