Dead-things, and hope–To-do List

Didn’t read the book on neurology today.
wanted to know more about canyon-lilies
or why I keep worrying about small things–
whether I forgot how to tie a horses lead-rope properly,
whether I still shoot a .38 as well as when I was 12,
hitting every left-over beer can from my father’s friends,
and if the fear of dark-things-in-hallways ever goes away.
didn’t meditate today,
didn’t see knots floating in the air,
or run long enough on the treadmill to mystically communicate with air,
but felt, for the first time, hurt by someone I let in.
That’s why I don’t let anyone in, J said.
And I made a list when I got home.
reasons not to hurt yourself,
to be more like your future-self…
didn’t read the book on neurology today.
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