I woke up this morning and thought,

I should be excited about the day. I should walk as though I’m only here now.

Something reminded me about the idea I read in “One Year to Live” which said,

Practice “dead days.” Walk around as though you’ve already died. Accept and see your reactions to the idea that everything moves after your death.

Everything moves. Is this comforting? I feel an anxiety smog through the door at this idea. Anxiety married to my desire to leave something here. Place something on the hallway buffet table. Words, works.

But something tells me this is just the ego.

So I will wash my hair and, in the mirror I will repeat the serenity prayer and tell myself to love others, to consciously live today in love.

Though all I really want is to read John Cassian in the library.

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